Frequently Asked Questions
Is this going to work?
Every situation is different but we only have two hard and fast rules about a marriage that this course will not help.
1. You have 0 communication. No phone calls, visits, texts. Nada. If that's your situation, I'm sorry but this course isn't for you.
2. Your spouse is making future plans with another person. Wedding, having a baby, moving in together, etc. Again, we understand how challenging this is but this course won't help you with that. (We do help couples who've had an affair, only when both partners aren't creating future plans with another person outside of the marriage).
If your situation isn't one of the two above, this course will work for your marriage. You will learn exactly what you need to do to restore trust, improve communication, get needs meet for you and your spouse, create healthy boundaries and.... (everything else we shared above :)
The real issue is really your fear.
Fear that it won't work.
Fear that you'll spend money or put forth effort and it won't pan out.
That's understandable and often natural, but check-in with yourself. Where will that kind of fear-based decision making lead you?
Is it going to save your marriage?
Get your spouse back?
Or is it going to waste more time while they slip further and further away?
Many people join our programs with a bit of skepticism, but their hope and desire for it to work outweighs their fear. They want to know that they gave their marriage the best shot of working and that they did everything they could to save it.
I'll stop talking now and simply share with you others who felt the way you do....
What if I can’t get my spouse to open up or communicate with me?
If you haven't been able to help your spouse open up to you so far, it is very unlikely that you will be able to do so on your own going forward. It's time to learn some new skills and learn exactly what you need to do to get your spouse to open up.
Depending on your situation there are a few things that might be able to break through the silence.
1. It may require a change in approach. If there are qualities about how you interact with your spouse that don’t encourage open communication we may need to help you adjust some of those habits
2. It may need some calculated space. Sometimes if a spouse is really pulling back, it may be beneficial to give them the space they are asking for. Knowing when to do this and how though without it backfiring are going to be essential for this to be effective.
3. It may require personal changes. Your mindset, or how you think and feel, have huge impacts on the atmosphere and tone in any given interaction. At times simply changing the way you view the relationship may produce the result you are looking for.
We can help you figure out what the right method is in order to open up the lines of communication, even when they are nearly completely closed off.
What if my spouse has already filed for a divorce?
While the situation becomes more difficult after a filing it doesn’t mean that it is the end. Even divorce itself does not spell absolute doom given the right circumstances.
It does however, mean that time is critical and you need all the tools available to help you patch this delicate situation. Even if your spouse has filed for divorce there is still hope if any of the following are true:
-You have regular contact of any sort
-You are still living in the same home or see each other at least several times a month
-You are in some ways amiable or friendly with each other still
-You are willing to make major life changes
Even if you don’t meet every one of the above conditions there is still hope as long as there is an ability to communicate with your spouse.
What if my spouse can’t recognize the positive changes I’m making and/or twists everything I do into something negative?
This is normal and expected.
Most of the time this comes about because they are trying to justify a potentially difficult and painful decision.
It isn’t easy to put aside a relationship that has lasted for years and the more they can feel good about leaving you, the easier it becomes. This is why benign and innocent actions are seen, at time, in a negative light.
BUT, this doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to fix this. There are things you can say and do that will help break down the negative narrative they have built up about you. Ways to introduce some doubt into their decision to leave.
Most people don’t know how to work this technique because most of the time it isn’t necessary, but when someone is thinking about leaving, it is critical you start doing it right away.
Do you offer refunds?
Your satisfaction with your Program, Product or Service is important to us. Yet, because of the extensive time, effort, preparation and care that goes into creating and/or providing our Programs, Products, Services and Program Materials, we have a no refund policy. Unless otherwise provided by law, you acknowledge that we do not offer refunds for any portion of your payment for any of our Programs, Products, and Services, and no refunds will be provided to you at any time. By using and/or purchasing any of our Programs, Products, Services or Program Materials, you understand and agree that all sales are final and no refunds will be provided.
We've already tried counseling, or are thinking about counseling, how is this program different?
Traditional counseling meets once per week for 45 minutes up to 90 (if you’re lucky).
We realize that if things aren’t going well in your marriage, the situation warrants more attention and more effort.
That is why we offer one on one sessions, twice weekly group sessions, workshop material, homework assignments and unlimited email support. We want to give you all the resources, tools and skills you need to succeed.
Beyond that our approach combines the good parts of traditional counseling (an objective point of view, insightful questioning, and an expert knowledge of the subject) with more of a guiding hand.
We ALWAYS give actionable steps to take with every one of your concerns, we focus EVERYTHING on marriage and relationship problems which means we have detailed plans on how to fix just about any problem, and unlike traditional counseling, we have specific overarching plans on how to go from any problem to a thriving marriage.
Won’t my spouse be upset at me taking this course when they have said they are already done?
Yes, it is possible that they may get upset. But is that worse than your marriage slowly crumbling? Worse than the eventual divorce you may be faced with? When a spouse is concerned about taking this course it usually comes down to one of two things:
-Either they’re upset because money is so tight that the price of this course is going to do serious damage (unlikely)
-Or they see it as a sign that you are still clinging to the relationship even after they have told you they want out (more likely)
Clinging to the relationship sometimes upsets the spouse that is getting ready to leave. In some ways it invalidates that desire, makes it seem as though their opinion doesn’t matter.
This is easily sidestepped. All you need to do is reframe your efforts as something you need to do for yourself, downplay the negative impact it will have on them, and attempt to address any concern they may have with the purchase.
With the small price of this course though, this is unlikely to be a big issue in many situations. If it is, please contact us ([email protected]
) and we would be glad to give further suggestions in navigating this matter.
Does my spouse need to take the course with me?
We actually recommend spouses go through the course on their own, even if they are wanting to do it together. The reason is, you need to take full responsibility for your part in the relationship and you can only do that on your own.
For many of our students, their spouse would be unwilling to do the course anyway and asking them to do so will only push them further away.
It is absolutely possible to save your marriage on your own. You can greatly alter the atmosphere of the relationship and in doing so, draw your partner back to you.